Woman in Sun Dress Mistaken for Sun

MINNEAPOLIS -Residents of the Seward neighborhood mistakenly identified 58 year old Petunia Johnson as the yellow dwarf star that provides the Earth with light, heat, and life.

“I’ve never been to the sun, you know? How was I supposed to know it doesn’t smell like that?” Asked Chet Anwar, a chef at the Pizza Luce on Franklin Ave.

The woman’s yellow dress was cited as a reason for the confusion along with objects near her to begin orbit around her gargantuan frame. A nearby hospital also reported that several patients had surprisingly bled out during Johnson’s visit to the Seward Community.

When some of the neighborhood’s denizens began to notice the actual sun, further confusion reigned onto them. Mark Derford, who had recently eaten breakfast at the popular Triple Rock Social Club remarked “I was like, am I on Tatooine? What’s with the binary bullshit?”

Due to the disruptive nature of her appearance, a warrant has been issued for Johnson’s arrest though she has somehow, miraculously been able to avoid further detection. She has been identified as the mother of one or more cast members of a local insult based theatrical troupe and is considered at large.