Boroscope

Your illegitimate son is still unaware of your existence. [...]

Horrorscope

Progress at your place of business will come much faster if you cease to refer to good things as being “tits”. [...]

Whoroscope!

Triple your productivity today with some crystal meth! [...]

Whoroscope

ARIES March 21 – April 19

You may not look like James Dean but at least you know how to drive a car.

TAURUS April 20 -May 20

Despite his promise, your date tonight will not tell you when he’s going to come. [...]

Whoroscope

Your new haircut is super ugly. [...]

Whoroscope

Don’t you get tired of looking at yourself in the mirror, you fat fucking slag? [...]