Embarrassing stains are something we’ve all encountered: whether you’ve pissed yourself in shame, forgotten to change a tampon, or made passionate whoopee on your favorite black comforter, it’s important to know how to get those bodily fluids out when the occasion demands.
This three-part series will detail how to clean up some of the most common stains you’re likely to encounter as a sexually active adult. This month, we’ll take a look at general clean-up tips, as well as discuss two types of stains in more detail: blood and semen.
General Tips
Any fabric stains should be treated as quickly as possible. Fabrics, with very little exception, are porous surfaces, and the more the stain is able to penetrate the fabric, the more difficult it is to remove later.
Cold water is your friend when treating stains – much like your legs, the pores in fabric close up when cooled, and open up when heated.
Read the directions carefully on any stain removal product that you buy. Certain removers may damage fabric or fade colors. Also make sure you read care tags before starting any kind of cleaning process.
Blood Stains:
-Use an absorbent material to clean up as much of the blood as possible. Blot, don’t rub, as rubbing will work the stain further into the fabric, and you don’t want to do this at this stage. 100% cotton rags are best, but paper towels will also work.
-Run the stained area under cold water. If you can’t do this, dab it with cold water using a rag. Use clean rags for each step – you don’t want to add to the stain!
-Your next step depends on what you’re cleaning up. If you’re working on a garment or other item that is dry-clean only, stop right now and take your item to the cleaners as quickly as possible. The longer you wait, the more the stain sets. If your item can be cleaned by washing (including hand washing), then proceed to the next step.
-Pre-treat your stain using either hydrogen peroxide, or a detergent that contains enzymes. Detergents that are biodegradable or “green” frequently have enzymes in them – so even if you aren’t a hippie, you might consider keeping a bottle of Seventh Generation on hand for when your girlfriend is on the rag.
To pre-treat, mix your detergent or hydrogen peroxide with cold water and let your fabric soak – the ratio should be listed on the package. Five to 10 minutes of pre-treatment should be ample.
-Wash your fabric in cold water and then let it air dry. Using a dryer will set the stain and it will be impossible to remove if any remains after your first treatment. If you air dry and the stain is still there, follow this procedure again.
Semen/”Feminine Fluids”
(As a side note, we don’t think that “feminine fluids” is a particularly great term…but we didn’t really like “vag juice” either)
These stains are in the same family as blood stains: “organic” stains that are mainly made up of proteins. Semen and feminine fluids are easier to clean up than blood, as a general rule, due to their usually colorless nature.
-Regular washing will generally do just fine for semen or feminine fluids. If the stain seems stubborn, try using a paste made of borax: 1 tablespoon of borax with a small amount of water. Spread the paste on the stain, wait 30 minutes, and then brush the mixture away.
-Semen and feminine fluid stains are really only going to cause problems when the stains are on items that can’t be washed, like car upholstery. In this case, use a solution made of cold water and vinegar (2 parts water to 1 part vinegar), and scrub scrub scrub. If the stain doesn’t come out, your best bet will be to take your car to a detailer and have them shampoo the upholstery for you.
The water/vinegar solution will work on furniture upholstery as well, although many couch covers can be unzipped and thrown in the washing machine.
Next month we’ll be covering “Number One” and “Number Two” stains…so stay tuned!
