Scott Pilgrim’s Failure To Find An Audience Proves Internet Is Useless

Yes, I’m not ashamed to admit that I saw Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and I loved the hell out of it. It is inventive, crazy and funny as all hell. It is also aimed at the one demographic that cannot help but ensure the failure of a film.

I’m talking about internet film nerds.

You know the people I’m talking about, right? The people that go out to Ain’t it Cool News and prattle on endlessly about how awesome Fight Club is. The people who convinced the studio they had to bring Samuel L. Jackson back to the set to record a scene where he said “I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!” The people who bitched about what a piece of shit Transformers 2 was as it went on to earn a bazillion dollars at the box office because it turned out that regular movie goers are fucking idiots.

The precious “buzz” they created around Scott Pilgrim couldn’t even propel it past Eat, Pray, Love.

In fact, if you look at how Scott Pilgrim did on it’s opening weekend, it is pretty much a reflection of a internet film nerd’s life.

Number one film for opening week? The Expendables.

Or, in other words, a film starring a bunch of guys who probably beat up nerds in High School.

Number two film? Eat, Pray, Love.

That would be a film starring Julia Roberts. She is the chick the guys in The Expendables banged after they got done beating up nerds.

And then you have Scott Pilgrim, getting his ass whupped by the jocks and the pretty girl he was secretly in love with.

Internet film geeks need to get it through their thick skulls that they have no power. They can love Kick Ass all they want but that won’t convince the average movie going public they should actually see it. In fact, it seems blatantly obvious that the best thing they could have done for Scott Pilgrim was to endlessly bitch about what an abject failure the film was.

So listen up film geeks – you need to remember this important rule. You have only the power to destroy. Use your power wisely or you will destroy that which you most love.