Despite going out on over a dozen dates arranged by online dating service e-Tryst, Jarod Houston, 26, has not found what he is looking for.
“When I saw the e-Tryst commercial,” he told our reporters, “I was blown away. The chick they had was the bomb! I couldn’t take my eyes off of her as she rolled around on the bed in those Daisy Dukes. At first I wasn’t sure if I had a chance, but the longer I watched her demonstrate how easy it was to sign up, I thought “I can do this!” Plus, she was wearing a really tight sweater that left her midriff bare. Who wouldn’t want to try?”
Since than, however, the dating service’s slogan of “Find the one that’s right for you!” has proven to be a lie. “I watched that commercial dozens of times in order to modify my search criteria to find her,” Jarod fumed. “I wrote down her hair color, eye color, build… I even watched the commercial in slow motion to see what her likes were when her laptop screen was visible for a second.”
However, his first date proved to be a disappointment. “Yeah, she was cute, but it wasn’t HER,” he said, shaking his head. “I was ready to plow that cutie, but then this… NOBODY walks up to me. She didn’t even have the right hair color! She was a platinum blonde when I specifically wrote “dishwater blonde”. The next date wasn’t any better. Sure, each one was a hottie, but after masturbating to that commercial that many times, I really wanted the real thing.”
“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath as his latest date arrived. “It’s not her. Looks like I’m queueing up TiVo again tonight.”
Right?