JORDAN, MN – Pedophile and little league coach Max Barber finally got his comeuppance after years of molesting young boys in the town of Jordan, MN. Despite living in mortal fear of Barber, the boys on the Lagoon Park little league team managed to gather the courage to pour a symbolic tub of Gatorade, representing the chilling isolation of victimization, onto their tormentor following a championship victory over their cross town rivals, Brentwood Park.
Parents sensed that something was amiss after the display of revenge on the field. “They should have been celebrating” said one father. “We knew there was something rotten in Denmark when our boys doused that…that bastard with cold, cold liquid instead of jumping for joy amongst themselves. I would never imagine doing that to a coach who led you to such an amazing and important victory unless, of course, he used sex and fear as a weapon against you.”
Graphic details of Barber’s inappropriate behavior have been released including his penchant for sticking his nose into the hind quarters of the players. A place that many agree his nose “simply doesn’t belong”. Many wondered why Barber coached little league, in the first place, since his area of athletic expertise lay in figure skating and not baseball. Presumably, Barber’s feelings of inadequacy boiled over after being confronted with the awesomeness of baseball, causing him to molest the gifted little league players.
