In a surprising turnabout, long-time racial separatists the Ku Klux Klan have revised membership policies to allow members of mixed race backgrounds. This new policy is in direct response to lagging enrollment, which has steadily declined for the last four decades. The Klan has seen a similar decline in its public image over the same period, despite community outreach programs such as Klan marches, horseshoe tournaments, and bake sales.
“We prefer to see the racial glass as half pure,” said Dalton Graham Chesterfield Sweeny, a member of his local Klan color guard and Aryan heritage enthusiast. “Me and Russell were having lunch at Taco Bell the other day, and we realized that we both actually kinda liked Mexican food as long as it’s been filtered through the ingenious culinary mind of the white man. Well, we got to thinking, why not do the same thing with the Klan?”
Public reaction to the change in membership guidelines has been mixed. “I . . . I’m . . . it’s difficult to describe my reaction to this partial progress toward equality from the Klan,” said James Miller, prominent self-appointed black community leader, moments before he began bleeding heavily from the ears and eyes and had to be taken to the hospital. “Fuck that shit,” said one local man who asked not to be identified as he drove away in a Steve Alberts Family Plumbing van, “I might as well move to Canada. Queers.”
