MUPPET CITY- Detectives entered a crime scene described as “grizzly” by local police officers. The bodies of an elderly couple were found dismembered and partially consumed early Tuesday morning, with tomatoes stuffed into their mouths. Police have released the first names of the victims. Statler and Waldorf had lived in the quiet Muppet community for years and were well-liked by their neighbors Sam Eagle and Guy Smiley.
“It was a normal evening.” Said Sam. “Then I heard some sort of argument. Three different voices shouted ‘I’m going to kill you guys!’ ‘Why couldn’t you have done that while I was watching you on stage?’ ‘Better yet, before you were on stage’ ‘Ho ho ha ha ha ha ha!’ ‘Arrgh! I can’t BEAR you guys!’ ‘Okay, kill me now!’ ‘No, me first!’ ‘Ho ho ha ha ha ha ha!’ “
This is only the second murder in Muppet City history. The first one, the killing of Skeeter, resulted in the trial and subsequent acquittal of her brother, Scooter.
Harry Belafonte was quoted as saying “This is, indeed, a dark day-o.”
