Dear Frigid Slut,
My girlfriend says I jack off too much. I think that I rub one out as often as any other man, but she thinks spanking the monkey more than 3 times a day is excessive. I generally beat off about 7 times a day. I choke the chicken more when she’s not around. Is there a limit on how many times a guy should polish his pole?
Signed,
Wanker
Dear Wanker,
Usually I condone the act of masturbation as a healthy act and completely normal. I don’t really care how often you squeeze the cream from your flesh twinkie, but your abuse of masturbation terms is completely unnatural. Unless you’re Salsa.
Dear Frigid Slut,
I date a lot of older men, but my friends think I could do better. My most recent beau is a 64 year old man who pleases me often. I’m 22. What should I tell my friends?
Signed,
Daddy Issues
Dear Daddy Issues,
I’m certain that you want me to tell you lines like “I’m mature for my age” or “I like a seasoned lover,” but in this case, I think you should go with the truth. Tell them you love the taste of powdered milk.
If you would like to receive advice from Frigid Slut, please send your questions to frigidslut@vilificationtennis.com.
