By The Movie Dick, on May 7th, 2012 
This weekend, The Avengers earned a shit ton of money as the geek community collectively jizzed in their pants for 2 hours and 22 minutes in theatres all across the country. While the movie was very good, the reason it was a success had nothing to do with quality.
Instead, The Avengers did what filmmakers should have been doing for years. It found a way to appeal to multiple factions of the nerd community. By picking Joss Whedon to helm the film, they managed to get nerds who don’t give a shit about comic books but worship Whedon into the same theatre as jocks who just wanted to know how much of Scarlett Johansson’s boobs they would get to see (not much). Continue reading The Avengers Success Due to Unlikely Conjunction of Nerd Communities
By The Movie Dick, on April 30th, 2012
 I promise that I won’t write any spoilers about Cabin in the Woods as a part of this review. I’m not going to tell you about a single thing that happens in the movie. In fact, I’m going to spend the entire review exploring all the reasons the film had what one might define as a “lukewarm” box office record.
Reason number one: There was not a single giant robot in the entire film.
Continue reading Cabin in the Woods Fails Due to a Lack of Giant Robots
By The Movie Dick, on April 16th, 2012  Dear readers: What I typically write is satire. For instance, my recent article about how I did nothing but think about “The Avengers” trailer while watching “The Hunger Games” was false. Mostly. I did spent waaaaay too much time thinking about the appearance of Jennifer Lawrence and Scarlett Johansson in tight black outfits.
I want you to understand that the following article is not satire. It is completely true. Pity me.
Most children have obsessions. Some kids like Dinosaurs. Some kids like dolls. I wish that my youngest child liked Dinosaurs or dolls. He has no time for such trivial things.
Because, you see, his obsession is the Titanic. He reads every book he can find about it. He watches every YouTube video with the word “titanic” in the the title. He’s watched the movie “Titanic” at least ten times (he would correct me and say he only watches it from the point where the iceberg hits the ship but I think he’s just being pedantic).
By The Movie Dick, on April 2nd, 2012  I went to see “The Hunger Games” this weekend and I have to tell you, I understand what all the hype was about. In fact, there were several moments during the films’ 2 hour and 20 minute run time that I completely forgot the kick ass “Avengers” trailer they played before the film.
Continue reading “The Hunger Games” almost as interesting as “The Avengers” trailer
By The Movie Dick, on November 1st, 2010 Well I finally got off my ass and watched The Social Network lastweek. I figured I needed to see something while I was waiting for Saw 3D to come out. I love me the gore porn in 3D, man!
The movie is pretty good but I have one problem. It turns out that the guy who runs Facebook (Matt Zinkleback or something like that) is a complete asshole.
Continue reading Dude Who Runs Facebook Is A Real Douchebag
By The Movie Dick, on October 18th, 2010 Let Me In was released in American Movie theatres this month and it has turned some movie snobs into an angry mob with pitchforks and movie blogs as they rant endlessly about the fact it is a remake of the great Swedish horror film Let The Right One In.
Continue reading Quit Whining About Remakes, Asshat
By The Movie Dick, on September 20th, 2010 I have to be honest and say that I haven’t been to a new movie in a few weeks. I’ve had a lot of other stuff going on and in all honesty, I don’t really like movies all that much anyway.
I do have a job to do, however, and because of that, I will offer my reviews of a number of films currently in the theaters based entirely on their plot description from the IMDB. I know that makes me sound like a lazy fuck but in the world of the highly educated, they call what I am doing “research.” Continue reading Fall movie roundup
By The Movie Dick, on September 6th, 2010 Before you go to the theatre to watch The Last Exorcism, consider the terrible cost.
As the movie industry faces the deaths of great classic cinematographers like Conrad C. Hall (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid), it finds that the young filmmakers who might have replaced them are being killed off at an alarming rate due to the recent trend of “Found Footage” films. Continue reading Found Footage Films Leading To Tragic Shortage Of Young Filmmakers
By The Movie Dick, on August 23rd, 2010  Yes, I’m not ashamed to admit that I saw Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and I loved the hell out of it. It is inventive, crazy and funny as all hell. It is also aimed at the one demographic that cannot help but ensure the failure of a film.
I’m talking about internet film nerds. Continue reading Scott Pilgrim’s Failure To Find An Audience Proves Internet Is Useless
By The Movie Dick, on August 9th, 2010 I’m conflicted. Like most people, I was really excited to see Inception because the trailer made it look like a mind blowing trip of a movie. Christopher Nolan has made a lot of movies that don’t suck and I admit to having a nearly platonic man crush on Leonardo DiCaprio. Leo, I’m not interested in sex with another guy but if you come calling, I’d consider it. My number’s listed.
Aside from my own conflicted sexuality as I contemplate how much better this movie would have been if Leo had been naked, is my conflicted response to the film itself. Continue reading Inception is Either Fucking Brilliant or a Piece of Shit
|
|
